i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
