i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
