Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
