tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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