this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't deserve a penis
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
