Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
honey bunches of taint.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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