Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
