Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
