If i come over, it means nothing
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
