sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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