If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
