My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
