Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
