Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize