i need an iv and a liver transplant
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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