that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
operation have a gay friend backfired
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
