just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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