Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
