i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
