It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
