Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
