this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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