i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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