He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
