Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
