I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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