fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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