what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
