like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
