Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
