Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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