ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
