im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
