we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
