I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
