Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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