Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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