Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
