Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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