They should really pass out barf bags in church
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
