what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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