Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
