Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
