I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
