i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
