well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize