This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize