remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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