My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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