she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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