How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
NoShamevember. You game?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
