Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
