Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
