there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she peed on how many people?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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