She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
