so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He shit in the fireplace
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