I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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