just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
