I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize